There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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