Joe is yelling at the trees again.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize