I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize