i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
