so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
