you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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