Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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