My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize