I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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