I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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