farters have to be the big spoon...
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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