I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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