If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
