we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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