toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
