They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
