I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
