Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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