Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
