God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
