I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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