If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize