Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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