first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
