I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
