oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Randomize
