If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
