i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
