I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
