Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
