i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
