I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
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