1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
