maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
