and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
