We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
