So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
