My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
