It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
