I hope mine doesn't look like that
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Your topless pictures make me question reality
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
