Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
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