It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
