Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Randomize
