So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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