So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
