I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Well I just put wine in my tea
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
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If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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