im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
