Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
