I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
