I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
