cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
My day in three words: secret purse cake
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
