And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Well I just put wine in my tea
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
