he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
