We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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