is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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