bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
