He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Randomize
