I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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