the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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