new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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