brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
