But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
