In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
