I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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