I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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