If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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