I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
