If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
