Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
